This is the shit I actually think about

So, there are a pair of birds (my guess, swallows of some sort) that have decided to build their nest on the emergency floodlight in the breezeway right outside of our apartment door. I don’t appreciate the mental dilemma they have plagued me with. I can’t decide if I applaud them or think they are fucktards for their choice of location for their home.

The nest itself, crafted from Georgia clay and pine needles, is a fine work of architecture…I’m not kidding…it’s pretty amazing. On one hand, I get part of their logic – build a nest under a structure that is fairly protected from the elements; HOWEVER, I have some major issues with their decision.

Attack, Nipples. ATTACK!
  1. They are in VERY close proximity to humans, which generally gives wild animals anxiety.
  2. The nest has absolutely no camouflage-like qualities to it. It’s just out there, visible to all. Any predator, human or animal, could destroy their lives and eat there babies…the savagery
  3. I feel like they got the whole “nature” thing wrong.

At first it was difficult to get too angry with them for shitting all over our stairs and making a mess when they are so little and cute. Now, it has gone from “mess” to complete squalor. Seriously guys, fuck you. Have some God damn respect. At this point, I’m hoping that nature takes it’s course and by that I mean that the neighborhood stray cat, that I’ve lovingly named Nipples (our friend named him “the dude”, which I kind of like better, but refuse to rename Nipples out of shear stubbornness) viciously attacks and devours them…



Author: Face First

Stumbling through adulthood one misadventure at a time

7 thoughts on “This is the shit I actually think about”

      1. LOL to tell you the truth, I had/have the same questions. I’ve been nominated for a few of these “awards” and this is the first one I have participated in. I think they are just a way for readers to acknowledge a few of their favorite blogs and to answer a few random questions.


  1. We had a similar dilemma last year when I was pregnant. A bird decided to get nest in our attic right above our heads. I had so much pregnant rage against those damn birds. I lost a lot of sleep for about 6 weeks.


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