Let me preface this by saying I’m awesome.

I got pretty flippin’ amazing news last Friday…Alex passed mountain phase!! Right now he’s in the FINAL phase of Ranger School, swamp phase. It was a surreal moment when I heard his voice for the first time in weeks. The phone call was brief and I was so flustered that I spent most of it half crying and half blabbering.

Now, onto the part where I show you how awesome I am…

 

The first box was the care package I created for Alex for his mountain pass. The other box is my new masterpiece that I crafted for the ride back to GA at the end of swamp phase (given that he passes, which he will because he’s a superhero…).

If all else fails, I guess I could start a sweet Etsy page. Which one do ya’ll like better??

My body is conspiring against me to have a baby.

I’m not kidding. I know you all may think I’m crazy for believing this.

I’m convinced my physical body has not caught up to modern times. It’s difficult to put the feeling into words, but if I had to attempt to describe it, I would say it is a need or urge so strong that it seems instinctual. Now, I’m aware that way back when women were considered of child bearing age whenever they got their first period and didn’t waste too much time after that given shorter life expectancies. I also understand that children served a purpose in the past (and still kinda do). If you go WAY back, they were to populate the Earth. If you go back about 100 years, people probably popped out so many little ones to man their farm or some shit.

What I’m trying to get at is that in today’s era, there really is no need for reproduction (at least for me specifically). People besides me have got the world’s growing population covered…probably too much so. I have no farm land to maintain or any other labor needs. My body doesn’t understand that my life expectancy is looking pretty good at the moment and babies are not all cute fun and games – they are messy, obnoxious, little assholes sometimes most times that will literally and figuratively shit on your dreams. Most importantly, my body doesn’t realize the suffocating constraints of today’s monetary obsession. There is no way in hell that Alex and I can (sanely) afford a child right now, but my uterus doesn’t give any fucks about that. Not only that, but we still aren’t married yet and Alex’s refuses to have a “bastard” child. Having a child out of wedlock would not bother me though…this is the goddamn 21st century…Jesus, get with the fuckin’ times, Alex.

Alex thinks I’m joking when I tell him all that I’ve told you. Little does he know, I couldn’t be more serious. Part of me believes I was put on this Earth to make beautiful babies and love them. He should take that as a compliment really – that my body wants to make an insane amount of babies with him like rabbits do.

Plus…how could you NOT want to make babies after watching this…

 

P.S. If you are reading this Alex, I’m sorry for yelling at you above, but I hope you know I expect you to be this dad!!